air born

Controlling tendencies

I have made a huge mistake.

I tried to control her to be like how I think my “one” should be. How stupid! I can't control anyone. And why should there be any need to control?

People are wonderfully themselves. They can have different belief systems from mine. And that does not make them a bad person. And a person with very different lifestyle choices can still be compatible with me. Or at least it is worth trying to reconcile our differences and part ways if things still look ugly. If you talk in absolutes, she will dump you. And it took me some time to realize why I got dumped. The worst part is that I don't even believe in those things that I tried to preach. Is it because I was afraid that my parents will not approve of it? Probably. Such a cursed life I live.

Anyway, I cannot keep blaming my life and circumstances for my actions. Only cowards try to control their women. A man should inspire respect by being himself and putting work in his relationships.

I've broken her trust once. She gave me another chance (thank you!). And I fucked up again. When did I become so stupid. I imagine she thinks I am a waste of time. I am the worst. I feel like destroying everything and dying. But that is also a coward's wish.

So I will live. And I will overcome this too.

Will I ever get another chance?